


Until I See You Again

by lullys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Sam Winchester, Sick Sam Winchester, Spoilers for Carry On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullys/pseuds/lullys
Summary: "I'm not leaving you. I wanna be with you right here. Every day.Everyday you're out there and you're living and you're figthing.'Cause you, you always keep fighting.You hear me? I'll be there every step.I love you so much. My baby brother."
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 57
Kudos: 108





	Until I See You Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Ever since the finale aired, I've been feeling very emotional, and for the first time I felt like writing a Wincest piece. I started wondering how it would be like if Sam's child was actually Dean's? What if Dean got Sam pregnant? This idea wouldn't leave me so here we are. 
> 
> This has, of course, spoilers for 15x20 Carry On. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**08:00 am**

The alarm beeps next to Sam’s head, and he groans. Not another day.

Waking up is probably the worst. Sleeping is safer, because Sam can escape while he is sleeping. He can go to another place, a place where Dean still _is_. He can pretend it’s okay. Sam knows he promised Dean it was okay, but how could it be when the other side of the bed is empty and it always will be?

It has been two weeks. Fourteen days, three hundred and thirty six hours since Sam died. Because yes, Sam died the moment Dean let out his last breath. What you see walking around now is just a shell, a corpse. Sam can’t even feel his soul inside of him anymore. He goes through the motions, washes his face, brushes his teeth. Cooks eggs, puts two - no, _one_ \- bread in the toaster.

He walks Miracle, comes back to the Bunker. He stares at the wall, he goes to their bedroom.

The scent of Dean’s cologne still lingers on his pillow.

Sam forgets to have dinner. Miracle sleeps on the bed next to him. He misses Dean too.

Dean’s last words are etched in his mind, whenever Sam closes his eyes he can hear him.

_I love you so much._

_My Baby Brother._

More than anything, Sam wants to go too. He wants - needs - to join his brother. It’s unbearable here, everything reminds him of Dean. The beer he bought on his last supply run is still in the fridge. His clothes still need to be washed. The chair he always sat on at the table is still turned, exactly as he left the last time he got up from it. And Sam can’t touch any of those things. Because then he can still pretend. Like Dean will be back, this can only be a bad dream.

Waking up is always the worst. Opening his eyes and realizing he needs to face another day like this, another day without Dean, it feels like hell. It feels empty.

The gaping void he feels inside is something Sam can’t measure. The Empty? Nothing compared to the hollowness growing inside Sam, day by day. He’s nothing anymore.

He simply _isn’t_. If Dean isn’t, Sam isn’t too.

But he made a promise. Dean wanted for him to go on, and Sam will. He has no idea how, but he will do it for Dean. Because Dean asked.

_I love you so much._

Isn’t it funny how it takes someone dying for them to actually say it? Don’t get him wrong, Sam never doubted Dean’s unconditional love for him, it was there in every action. But actually _hearing_ it, for the first - and last - time, Dean asking Sam to stay with him, saying he was so proud… Sam needs to go on somehow.

He just has no idea how.

*

Sam starts to feel weird - well, even more - a couple of weeks later. He starts getting headaches, he feels nauseated, vomits more than once a day. He thinks it’s because he forgets to eat. He even passed out a couple of times, waking up with Miracle licking his face, because he simply can’t care enough. He knows he should take better care of himself, his body is now showing clear signs that something is wrong, but he still can’t care enough.

Perhaps if he keeps this going, he can join Dean soon? It wouldn’t be so bad.

It would end the pain. The symptoms keep going for a few days, Sam feels more and more like crap, and he barely gets out of bed. He ends up losing track of time, only forcing himself to get up so he can feed Miracle. Dean would hate if Sam failed to keep the dog alive, too.

One of the times Sam sleeps, he has a strange dream.

He dreams about Jack.

Jack visits him in the bunker, and sits on the bed next to him.

“Hey Sam.”

Sam sits up on the bed, looking at Jack, and that brings a small smile to his face.

“Hey Jack.”

Jack gives him a meaningful look. “I came to see how you’re doing, Sam.”

Sam just shrugs, pursing his lips. “How do you think I’m doing? I feel empty all over. Nothing makes sense anymore. Every minute of every day, I want to die. I want to join him so badly, Jack.”

Jack offers Sam a sympathetic smile. “I know Sam. And you will. I promise you this, you’ll join Dean someday, but it’s not the time yet. You’re gonna be together for eternity, Sam. It’s my promise to you. All I ask is for you to hold on, to carry on. Live your life as best as you can, and when the time comes you’re gonna be reunited.”

Sam swallows hard, a tear escaping his eye. “How can I go on when there’s nothing left of him?”

Jack is silent for a few moments, and then gives Sam an enigmatic smile.

“You really think I’d leave you with nothing of Dean’s, Sam? After everything you guys did for me? No, Sam. I’m giving you a present. And I came here to tell you about it since you’re too involved in your grief to realize it on your own.”

Sam frowns, having no idea what Jack may be saying.

“What present, Jack?”

Jack looks deeply at Sam.

“You lost a life. And that can never be replaced. But I’m bringing you a new life, Sam. A piece of Dean that you can keep for the rest of your life.”

Sam frowns. “What…”

“Look inside you, Sam.”

Jack makes a motion to Sam’s middle, and he looks down at himself, to try and figure out what Jack can possibly be talking about. Before he can ask any more questions though, he wakes up with a gasp, sitting up on the bed with sweat dripping down his forehead. He can still feel Jack’s presence, as if it was more than just a dream.

What was Jack trying to tell him? What could be this gift?

Sam looks down at himself, to where Jack pointed to. His middle? His stomach?

What could he…

_No._

The idea that hits Sam like a train is impossible. It’s just…

_Impossible._

But Sam has been feeling physically off for days now. The sickness, the headaches, the times he passed out. Sam assumed it was due to lack of food, but what if…

Sam can’t keep his hopes up. No he can’t. Because if there’s really a piece of Dean…

It’s 6:00 am and Sam is up in a flash, grabbing the first clothes he finds, and he’s out of the door in seconds. He ignores the aching pain as he gets into the Impala and drives around to find an open drugstore.

Sam looks around until he finds the test. The lady at the checkout counter smiles at him as he hands her the box.

“That’s a lucky lady!”

Sam doesn’t answer. He drives back home with the shopping bag burning a hole on the passenger seat.

*

He has never done that, has no idea how it works - well, apart from the obvious that he needs to pee on it. The stick feels heavy on his hand and Sam keeps thinking that this is ridiculous. It was just a dream, nothing more than that. Well, Sam knows that it’s rare but there are some men who can get pregnant, just not him. Right? It was a dream and that’s it.

Sam pees on the stick anyway.

It has a digital display so reading the instructions, Sam knows he needs to wait for the word to appear on it. He sits on the closed toilet lid, keeping the test away from view in his hands between his legs.

It’s a few of the longest minutes of his life.

But why is he worried anyway? Sam knows it’s ridiculous. It’s not possible. Not possible.

The test feels incredibly heavy in his hands, so he sets it on the sink. He leaves the bathroom and comes back two minutes later. His heart is hammering in his chest as he reaches out with trembling hands and brings the stick close to his face.

He has got to be reading it wrong, so he rubs his eyes.

_Pregnant._

No.

It can’t.

Sam can’t be.

He looks down at his stomach, and with his hand trembling even more, he touches it.

There’s a piece of Dean. Inside Sam.

Sam is instantly blind with tears, his legs fail to hold him up and he crumbles onto the bathroom floor, all the remaining strength leaving him. He brings his knees up to his chest, holding his legs and he cries, cries until he can’t get enough air in his lungs, he feels sick and barely reaches the toilet where he loses the meager contents in his stomach. Miracle comes to check on him but Sam can’t bring himself to pay attention to the dog, his mind is going a million miles an hour, he can’t comprehend what’s happening.

He’s having a child. Sam is pregnant with _Dean’s_ child.

This bit of news starts spreading throughout him, and it’s like he can feel his body warming up from inside, spreading to all parts. Could this really be possible?

Sam remembers the dream he had with Jack. He knows, always knew it wasn’t an ordinary dream. He knows Jack visited him. And Sam recalls Jack’s words to him.

_A piece of Dean that you can keep for the rest of your life._

This notion overtakes him like wildfire. He is going to keep Dean.

Sam manages to get up and holds onto the sink for support. He looks down at his middle, laying a protective hand on it, a small smile spreading across his face for the first time in God knows how long.

“Hey baby. You’re in there, aren’t you?”

Sam could be imagining things, but he swears he can almost feel a barely there fluttle under his palm. He knows now, there’s no doubt. Sam lifts his face up, tears still streaming down it, and he smiles again.

“You didn’t leave me completely, didn’t you? When you said you wanted to be with me, you meant it. I promise you I’ll take care of this baby with all I have. For you and me, Dean.”

*

It’s the strength Sam needed to carry on. It’s not just him anymore, he needs to be strong for this small being growing inside of him. So the first step is to start eating regularly, and healthily. He’s gonna do everything in his power to grow a healthy baby. The second step is not so easy, and Sam makes a hard decision: leaving the bunker.

He decides he needs to start a new life, he has to be everything this baby will need. And this won’t happen in the bunker, where every inch reminds Sam of Dean, and it just hurts so much it’s unbearable. Of course he will never leave Dean behind, he’s there in every breath Sam takes, an invisible force running through his veins, but he needs a fresh start. He promised Dean he would go on, and with this piece of him growing inside him, it’s all the motivation Sam needs.

First of all, Sam needs to find a job. He can’t live on credit card scams and gambling anymore, he needs something stable. He wants something he can do without leaving the house though, especially now that he’s pregnant. After doing some web browsing, he ends up getting a job doing research for a couple of college professors, he has always been good at research after all. He mostly helps those writing books on lore, but ends up helping with many kinds of research. It’s not bad money and it’s at least a place to start.

Sam also visits Planned Parenthood so he can see a doctor and make sure everything is okay with his baby. A nice lady sees him, she is very supportive and encouraging, noticing how tense Sam is, especially being one of the few men who can carry a child. She exams him and makes Sam lie down on a bed, rubbing jelly on his stomach and running an ultrasound wand over it.

When the sound of a heartbeat fills the room, Sam summons every ounce of strength he has inside him not to break down right there.

He does that when he reaches the Impala, though. Hearing that heartbeat coming from that piece of Dean, the final confirmation that a piece of his brother is alive in him, is more than Sam can bear.

The doctor prescribed some vitamins for him, and Sam grabs them on the way home. He’s taking them all religiously, determined to do everything in his power to make this baby grow healthy and strong.

*

Sam gets a small place in Lawrence. It made total sense to settle down in the place where he was supposed to have grown up with his family, with Dean. It was hard leaving the bunker, leaving behind the place in which he went through so much with Dean. It felt even more like he was leaving a huge part of his brother behind, but Sam reminded himself he’s carrying another part of Dean in him. And that’s what matters.

The house is small and simple but very cozy, Sam had contacted some old friends of John’s and Bobby’s to see if someone could help him, and luckily one of them knew someone who had the perfect place for sale. So Sam loads the Impala with his meagre belongings and Miracle, and off to Lawrence they go.

Sam decorates the house with pictures of Dean.

*

Sam manages to build a small life for himself in Lawrence. He does more and more work online, not only researching but editing, revising and so on. He considers going back to school, perhaps online too, so maybe someday he can even become a teacher. That would be cool, he knows Dean would like that. He gets to know some of his neighbors and they are very friendly even if Sam keeps mostly to himself. There’s an old lady who lives next door to him, and she always brings him delicious food especially once she learns Sam is expecting. It actually feels good to have someone to care for him like this.

He visits a doctor regularly to check on the baby, who keeps growing big and healthy. Sam gets particularly emotional when he starts showing. One more proof of his small miracle. Of Dean.

He decides he doesn’t want to know the gender of the baby, he thinks it will be better to learn when they’re born. It doesn’t matter what he gets, all that matters is that it will be Dean’s child.

Sam talks to Dean a lot. Every night he sits on the porch in front of his house with a hand on his belly and looking up to the sky. He tells Dean about his day, what he has been up to, about Miracle and of course, about their baby.

Sam also talks to their baby. He tells them about Dean mostly, how he was like and so many things they went through together. Sam wants to make sure the baby knows who Dean was.

Ever since the dream Sam had with Jack, he goes to bed thinking about the promise Jack made to him.

_Live your life as best as you can, and when the time comes you’re gonna be reunited._

_For eternity._

And that’s also what makes Sam go on, living this half-life without Dean. It’s just a few years, he tells himself. It’s a few years to bear until he can spend forever with Dean. And he can do it. He will do it for Dean.

As another step in his “moving on” plan, Sam decides to retire the Impala. Everytime he has to drive it, it feels like an invisible force is reaching into his chest and squeezing his heart, everytime he touches the steering wheel it’s like he can feel Dean’s presence, stronger than ever, and at the same time that Sam craves it, it makes him want to die and go join his brother, more than ever. And he can’t do that now.

So Sam parks the Impala inside the garage with a tarp covering it, and buys a cheap generic car for himself. He will keep the Impala safe for his brother, Dean would kill Sam if something happened to his beloved car.

*

The months go by, Sam starts buying things to prepare for his baby’s arrival, he gets a cheap crib and a dresser, and some stuffed animals. He also gets clothes and bottles and everything he thinks his baby might need. He prays that he’s doing it right, he doesn’t want to mess it up. When the baby starts kicking and moving, Sam’s heart gets a bit warmer. It’s Dean’s piece showing itself inside of him.

It gets rough for Sam when Dean’s birthday approaches. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna handle it, how it’s gonna be like not to bring Dean breakfast in bed (the only day in the year Sam could do that), not to wake him up with a sweet kiss. Dean would make love to Sam once they were done eating, and Sam always baked a cake.

Some days are tougher than the others. The pain is constantly there, it never actually leaves, and there are moments Sam thinks he is gonna die from it. It hurts so much it feels like a disease, a disability, like his body can’t respond to him anymore. That’s how it feels like when half of your soul is missing.

Sam is three weeks away from his due date when midnight hits and it’s January 24th. Miracle lies next to him in bed as Sam sobs, his chest feeling like it’s being ripped open and an invisible hand squeezes his heart. Sam wraps his arms around his big belly, hoping to at least feel Dean a tiny, tiny bit.

The pain hits unexpectedly. It takes a moment for Sam to realize it’s an actual physical pain, not the emotional one he’s used to. And it comes from his belly. It feels like a huge cramp, like his insides are twisting, and Sam is scared. Is everything okay with his baby? What if he damaged them by suffering so much because of Dean? He would never forgive himself.

Sam tries to take deep breaths, calming himself down as much as he can. Miracle places his head on the underside of Sam’s belly, as if sensing something is going on. The pain slowly subdues and Sam lets out a relieved breath. He stays very still for a long time, allowing for his body to rest, but surely enough, it hits him again, even stronger this time. Tears stream down Sam’s eyes, he sends prayer after prayer up to the heavens that nothing is wrong with his baby.

“Dean, help us please. Make sure our baby is okay.” Sam whispers as he strokes his belly, trying to get the pain to stop again. When it gets more bearable Sam decides he needs to go to the hospital. He drops Miracle off at the neighbour’s and takes the small suitcase he had prepared for his hospital stay and also the baby’s, just in case, and loads the trunk of his car. He knows it’s risky but he drives himself to the hospital. He doesn’t want to take a cab and there’s nobody to drive him anyway.

*

As it turns out, Sam is in labor. He’s having his baby on January 24th.

On Dean’s birthday.

He knows it’s not a coincidence, it can’t be.

Everything passes in a blur and Sam is in the delivering room, his baby is coming to the world and at 7:25 am on January 24th Sam hears a small cry.

The doctor shows Sam the tiny human, and Sam gets to meet their baby.

Their son.

It’s a _boy_.

Tears stream down Sam’s face, the baby is quickly taken away but then he returns and is placed on Sam’s chest. He holds his son for the first time, and the baby looks at him curiously. An emotion the size of the universe washes over Sam. He looks _so much_ like Dean. It’s like physically carrying a piece of Dean in his arms, and the constant pain subdues a tiny bit. Sam was able to grow and deliver their baby, and he feels proud.

Sam smiles.

“Hey baby. Welcome.”

A nurse approaches them, and speaks in a soft voice.

“Does he have a name yet?”

Sam looks up at her and nods, a smile still on his face.

“Dean.”

Another Dean that Sam will try to live for.

*

Sam is discharged from the hospital a couple of days later alongside Dean Winchester Jr. He had already installed a carseat in his car, so he drives his baby home. The past couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotions, having Dean’s child and not having Dean here with him. It hurts deeply that Dean will never get to meet the son they made together.

Sam is also very scared. He doesn’t know anything about taking care of a baby, of raising a human. He’s terrified he’s gonna screw this up. Dean would know what to do way better than Sam.

Sam carries Dean in the baby carrier inside their house. When Miracle sniffs the tiny human puppy for the first time, he whines and licks the baby’s legs. He stays glued to the baby’s side all day long and Sam knows Miracle can sense it’s a part of his Dean.

Sam had prepared a room for Dean Jr to sleep in, but he drags the small crib to his own room instead. He wants his baby to be close to him as much as possible.

Sam lays the sleeping baby in the crib for the night, giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“Sleep well, my love. My Dean.”

*

The years pass by, and Dean Jr. grows into a healthy, beautiful boy. He has so much of Dean, both physically and also in his personality. It really feels as if Sam has a piece of Dean back, his son is his reason to keep going. The pain of not having Dean never fades, it’s always very present, but Sam has learned a new kind of love. He always wished he could be a father but never thought it would be possible, not with the life they led. Sam always assumed that, for him to be a father, he would need to marry a woman and get her pregnant. And that was never an option. Sam’s only love has always been Dean, he never wanted anyone else. He would happily give up the chance to have a child in order to be with Dean. He never imagined he was able to carry a child himself.

Sam loves to be a father to Dean, he loves his boy so deeply. He had been so afraid he would suck at raising a child but as it turned out, he didn’t have to worry. Sam had the best role model he could ask for, and it wasn’t even his father, it was Dean. Dean raised him, he made Sam into the person he came to be. All Sam had to do was to take inspiration and do what Dean did for him. He thinks he’s doing a good job.

Sam loves looking at Dean, seeing parts of himself and his Dean combined. Their son has eyes very similar to Dean’s green ones, but he got Sam’s shaggy long brown hair. Sam knows Dean would tease their son endlessly about that.

Nowadays, Sam is a teacher. He started studying again once Dean had grown up a little, and he now teaches the third grade. Sam likes what he does, it’s good to be around the children and help prepare them for the world. He has a nanny that helps to take care of Dean as he works, Chloe. She’s the daughter of the lady who lives next door to Sam and she’s a very nice woman, and takes real good care of Dean Jr. They end up becoming friends, Sam doesn’t have anyone close except Dean, so it’s good to have someone friendly in his life.

Sam never dates again. He just can’t. The only person he wants to be with isn’t here anymore, and nobody could ever replace Dean, so Sam doesn’t even try. Sam misses the intimacy they used to share, their deep bond, and nothing Sam could have with anyone else would ever come close. He just knows he would feel hollow, meaningless, something would always be missing. Plus, he would never want to use anyone like this. Sam knows he just cannot love anyone else, not ever, so he makes the choice not to have anyone else. He’s gonna wait until he’s reunited with the only person he cares about, and having his son is enough.

Plus, Sam can still remember how Dean tastes, feels like against him. And he doesn’t want to taint that with memories of anyone else.

*

Sam tells Dean Jr all about his namesake. From a young age, Sam tells his son all kinds of stories about Dean, how amazing he was, and shows him all the pictures he has. Sam wants to make sure his Dean is a constant presence in their son’s life, even if he’s not here physically.

When Dean Jr is old enough, in his teen years, Sam tells him all about the life he used to live with his own dad and Dean. He tells him about the monsters, demons, ghosts, everything they used to fight, the people they saved. How they never really had a real home - well, actually how they didn’t have a _house_ , because Sam always had a home - and used to drive around in the Impala that’s sitting in their garage. He tells his son about the Men of Letters, teaches him all he needs to know to protect himself.

When Dean turns sixteen, he asks Sam to get an anti possession tattoo. Sam feels very emotional about that.

Dean Jr never asks about who his other father is. He knows Sam is the one who gave birth to him, not a woman, but he never asked. Sam is certain his son knows the truth. He knows Dean is his father - if his name being Dean Winchester Jr. is anything to go by - and Sam hopes he understands. The father of his son is his most well kept secret, nobody that he knows nowadays even dreams that it’s his brother. Of course they must have done the math that it’s someone named Dean, but Sam has never told anyone who Dean truly is.

Except for his son, of course. He has always known who Dean was, and Sam knows it’s a unique situation, one that most people would find very strange or disturbing. But they don’t get it, they never could. The bond Dean and he share goes way beyond any mundane stuff. And Sam feels that his son knows and understands. He is old enough now to understand Dean is Sam’s soulmate, and ever since losing him, Sam has never been complete.

Maybe his son has seen Sam on one of the few times he uncovers the Impala and sits on the driver’s seat, wrapping his hands around the steering wheel. It’s where he goes when he particularly needs to feel closer to Dean. It’s where he feels Dean the most, Sam can feel him everywhere in the car, almost like a physical presence. He likes to think his brother is in heaven driving this exact same car. He often wonders what Dean might be doing up there. He must have reunited with their friends and family, and Sam hopes he’s having fun with them. Sam wonders if Dean is waiting for him to arrive. It’s not likely that he’s doing only that, after all it has been years. Sam wonders about all kinds of things Dean has possibly already done in heaven.

Whenever Sam is in the Impala, is the only time he allows himself to really let it all out. It has been years now that he has had to live without his other half, and it never gets easier. People like to say time heals everything, but it’s not true. The pain never ever goes away. Sam thinks about Dean first thing in the morning, and last thing before going to bed every night. His brother is a presence inside Sam, in his heart, and this is how it’s always going to be. Sam knows the only reason he keeps going is for his son, Dean Jr is the only thing that sparkles a tiny flicker of happiness inside Sam, that makes his life not so empty. Sam loves their son with his whole heart and it makes him proud to be raising such a great human being, for having this chance.

But Sam has never been whole again, ever since that fateful night in the barn, ever since a faceless fucking vampire shoved his Dean and impaled him on a rebar. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, Sam will never forget that night. He won’t forget a single second of it, how Dean, even through the physical pain he was obviously feeling, found the strength to tell Sam everything he needed to tell him. How Dean let out his last breath against Sam’s skin, how Sam held his brother’s body against his for probably hours, feeling Dean slowly grow colder under him.

There’s no normal after that. There never has been. And Sam wonders how much time he still has left before it’s time to finally see Dean again. Sam does love his son, loves watching him growing up into a great man, but he also hopes it’s not too much longer.

*

It’s a brain tumor. Sam has been getting these blurry-eyed headaches for quite some time now. Dean Jr is the one who convinces him to go see a doctor. His son is twenty-five now, and he is always looking after his old man. He’s with Sam when he gets the diagnosis, after going through a series of tests. Because of the location of the tumor in Sam’s brain, it’s inoperable. And even if it was, Sam wouldn’t want to.

The doctor and his son start discussing treatments, ways to prolong Sam’s life, and he can tell Dean Jr is desperate. Sam, on the other hand, is strangely calm. He only has one question for the doctor.

“How long do I have left if I do nothing?”

The doctor studies him for a moment before replying cautiously. “It’s hard to tell, every organism responds a different way. But from my experience, I’d say about a year.”

A year so he can finally be with Dean.

The ride home is spent with his son talking nonstop about things they could do to delay it, treatments they could search for, places they could go, other doctors they could see. When they finally enter their house, Dean Jr starts heading to the office so he can do some research on ways to help Sam, but he calls his son from the living room. He stands in front of the wall he keeps all the framed pictures on, most of them of Dean. He looks at his brother’s smiling face, and he smiles at him in return.

_Soon, Dean._

His son stands in front of him, his eyes red rimmed. Sam reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Dee, I don’t want to do anything.”

Dean’s eyes widen, and he gasps. “What are you talking about dad? You heard the doctor, there are treatments that can give you more years, if only…”

Sam squeezes his son’s shoulder and gives him a sad smile. “Yeah, but I don’t want to. I want to go when it’s my time to go, and I want you to let me go. They can do whatever it takes to make me more comfortable if the pain is too much to handle, but I don’t want to spend my remaining years in and out of hospitals. I want to enjoy whatever time I have left in my house, with my son. And when the time comes… I’ll gladly go. That’s what I want, Dee. Please.”

Dean Jr studies Sam for a long time, then his gaze travels to the pictures. When he looks back at Sam, he’s mirroring his sad smile.

“You want to join him, don’t you?”

Sam sighs, giving his son a deep look. “I have to.”

*

It takes a little over a year, actually. Sam feels his body slowly giving out, slowly fading. Eventually he can’t get out of bed anymore, and his son sets up a hospital bed for him next to the pictures in the living room. Everytime Sam goes to sleep, he wonders if it’s the last time. A part of him is sad to leave his son behind, but he’s now a grown man, smart, with a brilliant future ahead. Sam likes to think he did well with him. And he knows when the time comes, Dean Jr. will join them in heaven. They can be together forever.

Sam can feel it coming, it’s not gonna be too long now. He feels completely at peace, he’s ready.

His son approaches his bed, a sad look on his face. He stares at Sam, and he knows. Sam knows he does. He sits on the edge of the bed and covers Sam’s hands with his own. Sam tries to give him a weak smile.

Dean Jr gives him a meaningful look. “Dad... it’s okay. You can go now.”

A warmth instantly spreads all over Sam’s body. He looks deeply into his son’s eyes, the eyes that are so similar to his Dean’s. Dragging the last ounce of strength from inside him, Sam squeezes his son’s hand, giving him one last smile. As a tear runs down his face, Sam finally breathes out his last breath.

He’s ready to go. It’s time to be reunited with the other half of his soul.

Sam is finally going back to Dean.

*

When Sam opens his eyes, he’s in a bright place. It looks beautiful, and when Sam looks down at himself, when he touches his face, he realizes he’s young again. Probably as young as he was when he last saw Dean. Huh. He walks for a few moments and finds an old bar. When he rounds the corner, he finds Bobby sitting in front of it. Bobby smiles at him.

“Hey kid. Nice to see you.”

Sam realizes it’s the Roadhouse. “Hey, Bobby, nice to see you too. Don’t get me wrong, but where is he? Is he in there?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Nah. Dude got here a while ago but he took off soon after. You should go find him.”

Sam frowns, looking around. “But where?”

Bobby smiles. “You’ll know where to go.”

Sam feels confused for a moment, but he starts walking. And as soon as he does, he realizes Bobby is right. Sam does know where to go. It’s like an invisible force is pulling at him, pointing him to the right direction.

Sam walks and walks for a long time, but he never feels tired. Quite the contrary, the more he walks the more Sam feels _alive_.

There’s a bridge in the distance and Sam’s breath catches in his throat. He sees the Impala and he walks faster, faster, and he’s finally on the bridge.

Dean is right there.

Sam’s heart is pulsing in his throat, Dean has his back to him and Sam walks closer. Before he can say anything though, Dean beats him to it.

“Hey, Sammy.”

Dean turns around with a smile on his face and Sam’s heart just stops.

Dean is here.

Dean is finally _here_.

Sam swallows past the lump in his throat.

“Dean.”

Dean stops in front of Sam and gives him a look. Sam lets out a breath, finally, as if he has been holding it ever since that night at the barn.

His soul is finally whole again, Sam is home.

Dean pulls Sam to a hug, and he allows for his brother to hold him for a couple of seconds before wrapping his own arms around him. He feels so young again, like a little boy whose brother is his everything. That has never changed. Feeling Dean’s body so close to his again is like being in heaven. Well, no pun intended.

They break apart and Dean places an arm around Sam’s shoulder, walking him to the rail and they just spend some time in silence, just taking it all in. Sam feels so at peace and content. Now everything is okay again and there’s no more pain, no more blood. There’s just them.

Eventually Dean squeezes Sam’s shoulder.

“Want to go for a ride Sammy?”

It has been so long since he has been called that. They have so much to catch up on, but there’s no better way to do that than in their beloved car. So he nods.

After years, Sam finally takes the passenger seat again. When he looks to his left, Dean is there. Where he belongs. Sam smiles.

Dean starts the car and it feels so good to be home. Dean reaches out and takes Sam’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Sam squeezes tight.

“So tell me, Sammy. How long did it take? What did you do all these years?”

Sam bites his lips. It hurts to think of all those years without Dean.

“About twenty-six years. It wasn’t easy at all. I… I missed you everyday. But…”

Sam lowers his head and his cheeks turn pink. He can feel Dean’s eyes on him, and knows there’s a frown on his face.

“But what, Sammy?”

“I wasn’t completely alone. I… had a baby.”

Sam looks up and finds Dean with his eyes widened. “Oh really? So… did you get married? Or got a girl knocked up?”

Dean is trying to tease but Sam knows him. He shakes his head. “No Dean. _I_ had a baby. I gave birth. It’s your baby.”

Sam is surprised he doesn’t fly out of the windshield when Dean hits the breaks so hard the car almost turns sideways.

“ _What_?”

Sam sighs and tells Dean about it all, how he was a wreck after he died, barely holding it together, and Jack visited him in a dream, telling him they would be reunited in heaven someday but for now he was giving Sam a present, a piece of Dean.

“I never knew I could get p-pregnant, but I did. When you left, I was pregnant with your baby. I had a child that’s both yours and mine.”

Dean stays silent for a few moments, his mouth agape, clearly trying to process it. Then his eyes fill with tears, and he gives Sam a brilliant watery smile.

“Holy shit, Sammy. We have a kid, I can’t believe it. Tell me more, is it a girl? A boy?”

Sam smiles fondly as he remembers their beautiful son.

“It’s a boy. Strangely enough, he was born on your birthday. His name is Dean Winchester Jr.”

Dean’s mouth falls open again as he takes in this information. “Aw Sammy, you named him after me? That’s so cheesy!” Sam knows Dean enough to know how touched he actually is with this gesture. His brother clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. “But let me guess, he got your hair?”

Sam chuckles. “Surprisingly, yes. He has your eyes, tho. You’re gonna love him, Dean. He’s an amazing man. So smart, and caring and loving. He stuck with me until it was time for me to… well, go.”

Dean smiles and reaches out to caress Sam’s hair. “I have no doubt he is. After all, you raised him, Sammy. I hope he joins us sometime so I can meet our kid.”

Dean starts driving again, and this time Sam does the questioning. “What about you? What have you been doing ever since you got up here? Did you see mom and dad? Our friends? I only ran into Bobby but I wanted to come see you first.”

Dean gives him a quick look and a smile. “I didn’t see anyone yet. Only Bobby as well. I have been driving all this time.”

Sam frowns. “You have been driving for twenty-six years?”

“Time works differently here, Sammy. It didn’t feel that long, that’s for sure.”

“But why…”

“I have been waiting for you, Sammy.”

Sam’s eyes grow wide as saucers. “What? All this time?”

Dean nods. “Always.”

“But… but why?”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “Do you honestly have to ask this question?”

No. Sam doesn’t. He knows why.

Dean has been waiting for him all this time, he has been driving. That’s why Sam always felt Dean’s presence so strongly when he sat in the Impala. Because Dean was there too. He was right.

Dean drives for a while and they end up at a deserted beach. It’s so beautiful, and both get out of the car.

Dean reaches out his hand and Sam takes it. They walk together until they reach the shore and Dean stops, turning to face Sam. He frames Sam’s face with his hand.

“I missed you so much, Sammy.”

Sam closes his eyes and allows himself to feel Dean’s touch burning his skin. He feels Dean pulling him forward and finally their lips meet. After all these years, Sam has never forgotten what Dean tastes like and it’s exactly like he remembered. Dean wraps his arms around him and Sam does the same, parting his lips to allow Dean inside. They kiss without any rush, Sam’s body feels warm all over and this, this is what he needs, will always need.

It’s heaven for sure.

*

They spend countless hours on the beach just enjoying each other, making out on the sand, taking their time to just be together after so long. Eventually Sam tells Dean stories about Dean Jr, what their life was like, how he died. How he felt it was time, long overdue actually. He tells Dean it wasn’t a bad life. It was just never complete. He wants Dean to know he honored what his brother asked him before dying, he carried on. Only for him. And for their son, of course. For both his Deans.

They drive back eventually, and Bobby is still there where they left him. He gives them a smile. “Perfect now, Dean?”

Sam looks curiously from Bobby to Dean, who smirks. “Now it sure is.”

They meet up with their parents, and it’s amazing to see them again. Sam has a feeling they know about Dean and him, and he’s glad that there aren’t judgments in heaven.

John and Mary take them to their cabin, the one prepared for both of them. When they approach it Sam hears a bark. Sure enough, a second later Miracle is running towards them, straight for Dean. Sam smiles, he has missed the dog, suffered a lot when he died years ago. He watches fondly as Dean crouches down and spends some time greeting his old buddy.

Their cabin is perfect, it’s like it was made for them with the Impala magically already parked on the side. It’s just what they need so they can spend eternity together.

As John and Mary leave, Dean takes Sammy’s hand, and together they head inside the cabin. Dean looks at him and squeezes his hand.

“Welcome home, Sammy.”

Sam smiles back. “With you here, it really is.”

*

It’s a while later, Sam doesn’t know for sure how long, when Dean and he are sitting on their porch having beers, and Sam spots someone walking towards them. His heart skips a beat when the person is close enough for him to recognize who it is. He gets up and Dean follows, looking at him with a frown on his face.

“Who…”

“Dean.”

Sam smiles as he looks at their son, and Dean instantly understands which Dean Sam is talking about. They wait hand in hand as their son approaches them, a smile on his face.

Dean looks at Sam and he can see a tear falling down his brother’s face.

“Sammy, he looks just like us. You were right.”

He lets go of Sam’s hand and walks down the steps towards his son.

“Hey kid.”

Dean Jr’s face breaks into a huge smile. “God I’ve heard so much about you. It’s like I’ve known you my whole life. It’s nice to finally meet you, dad.”

Dean pulls their son to a tight hug and Sam watches them with tears in his eyes. He has dreamed of this moment for so long.

Eventually Dean looks at him and unwraps one arm from around their son, calling him with a gesture of his hand. Sam goes to them, wrapping both in his arms and the three of them just hug each other, everything now feeling complete. It feels more than perfect.

It’s their heaven, and the best part is?

They have all the time in the world. Forever sounds like a good plan.

**THE END.**

_“I have died every day waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more”_

__

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank Mag (magdalena5880 on twitter) for offering her art so I could add to the story (the piece at the end), and also for being my beta once again, and I think I broke her a bit with this story. Sorry !
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed it, as you probably know I'm a J2 author, I had never written a Wincest piece (only some Sam and Dean gen in the past) so I was a bit (or a lot) nervous about it. I'd really appreciate it if you guys could spare a minute to let me know what you think in the comments. 
> 
> The title is in reference to one of the songs I used as an inspiration, you can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHgdqnHZl1g). 
> 
> Thank you for reading it!
> 
> Love,  
> Lullys.


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